One novel way to avoid paying a bribe to traffic police in Uganda

I got that all too familiar feeling in the bottom of the stomach that I get when faced with confrontation with authority. A traffic policeman waved me into the side of the road with a stern, if slightly comic, reproachable look on his face. Walking calmly up to the car I can remember hearing the heavy clump of his standard issue boots on the hot cracking concrete as he approached my car window.

Sat looking forward through my dusty windscreen I prepared mentally for the relentless burst of enthusiasm that had served so well before in dealing with traffic policeman. I had of course not done anything wrong but I knew from experience this was not enough to avoid trouble.

I knew the drill. The best way to escape either an arbitrary fine (an offense in Uganda is ‘the inconsiderate use of the motor vechicle’) or in many ways worse, being forced into paying a bribe, was to speak in a friendly, informed and most importantly, relentless way.

From previous experience I knew the subject matter wasn’t important, and so I rehearsed in my head…The weather, wonderful. The place I am going, I heard it is magical. The place I have come from, even better. My friends first experience of Uganda, perfect!

The policeman leaned on the passenger’s window:

Traffic policeman: ‘How are you today?’

Just as I was about to launch into my boundless tirade of optimism my fiancé started speaking:

My fiancé: ‘Ahh, I am well ssebo (sir), how are you? Today is the perfect day for being in Uganda I think. You know ssebo, I love you Uganda so much. I love it so much that I have learnt the national anthem. Do you want to hear me sing it?’

She then breaks out into the national anthem. I sit and watch. I try not to smirk at the ludicrousness of the situation. Most of all though, I try to read the policeman’s face. Looking on I am caught in a mixture of apprehension to what the policeman’s reaction would be and, utter awe for my fiancé’s formidable friendliness.

Questions started to swim to the tune of national anthem in my head…Is this pushing it too far, to literally and totally inexplicably start singing the national anthem?

Of course not.

Within a few lines the policeman starts to join in. The contort reproachable burrows that were resting on his forehead relax and before long he is positively beaming as the two of them are singing in unison.

With a big smile on his face, the traffic policeman waved us off wishing us a good day in English to which we subconsciously respond in unison with the Luganda, ‘bera bulungi’ (good day!).

At this point I glance in my rear view mirror I can see the policeman taking the concept of jollity to a whole new level.

I can’t guarantee this approach works with all law enforcement officers, but on this occasion on this particular stretch of road in Uganda, it worked a treat!